Play with fire
by Smoochynose
Summary: Why is it so hard to see that at the time? That if you play with fire then you’re going to get hurt. Isn’t that what every mother teaches their child? If it is then why am I sitting here? Why is it that I haven’t learnt my lesson? ONESHOT


OK, another angtsy one shot for me. I swear if you didnt know me you'd think I was depressed all the time.

Just so you know this is set in New Moon but Bella never went cliff diving.

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_Play with fire_

**oOo**

_By Smoochynose_

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Looking into the flames of the fire I felt myself drawn into the mystery of them. They danced around gracefully and moved in ways that are unexpected and yet that only makes you want to watch them more. Why is that we are attracted to the unpredictability it all, when humans are creatures that need stability in their lives, something to hold onto.

Why are we drawn to the warmth of the fire when, if we get too close, we get hurt. And not just any pain, a deep lingering pain that scars us. Fire is dangerous, something that should say "keep away" as soon as we see it but its warmth is deceptive.

Fire can turn on you in the blink of an eye. It can burn so brightly, yet the brighter it burns the faster it burns itself out, never to return. It's a destructive force by nature and that will never change.

Why is it so hard to see that at the time? That if you play with fire then you're going to get hurt. Isn't that what every mother teaches their child? If it is then why am I sitting here, so close to the flames and alone? Why is it that I haven't learnt my lesson?

I looked away from the fire and the pain it brought and looked over to Jacob. He was like the sun. A fire that we kept a safe distance away so we couldn't get hurt. He gave us enough warmth to survive but stayed far enough away so we didn't get hurt.

"What are you thinking about Bella? You look so serious – not a good look."

I gave a half-hearted laugh. "Nothing much. I was actually thinking about heading back home. It's getting late and I don't want Charlie to worry about me."

"You coming back tomorrow?"

I felt an odd smile tug itself onto my face. "No. I don't think I'll be able to make it."

Jacob frowned but said nothing.

"Bye Jake," I whispered, embracing my best friend. He hugged me back firmly. It was different than usual. It was like he was afraid to let go but eventually he did and I hopped into my truck, before I remembered something and ran back to Jake, handing him a letter in a blank envelope from my pocket.

"Hey Jake. Can you give this to Billy so if he sees Charlie then he can give it to him tomorrow when they go fishing together? Charlie will probably be asleep when I get home and he's always out early in the mornings," I realised I was rambling so I bit my tongue to stop myself.

Jake eyed me suspiciously, probably wondering why I couldn't leave the letter somewhere Charlie would see it. I didn't want him asking questions so I plastered a smile to my face hopefully. He nodded, looking down at the letter like he wanted to read it. I cringed at the thought of what would happen if he did do so before I intended him to. He was naturally curious.

"No peeking," I called out, walking quickly back to my truck and driving off as fast of possible, wondering how long it would take him to realise that the letter wasn't just for my father to read. There was a reason that I gave it to Jake. Maybe deep inside I was hoping that he would read it before I intended him to and make me come to my senses before I did anything rash.

But it wasn't rash. I had been thinking this over for a long time now, several months in fact. I only made my decision a few hours before I came out though. Maybe I was trying to hold onto the daft impression that Alice, I mentally cringed at the name of my best friend, actually cared about what I did, perhaps enough to come and stop me.

I came to a stop at the junction. One way lead to home, somewhere that no longer had any meaning except as the place where I could sleep and dream of _that day_ that still haunted me. The other road would lead somewhere that I could only imagine – a place that I could finally be at peace and away from my past. Somewhere away from the darkness and the pain that was left behind when my fire burnt out.

I clutched my arms around my chest as a fresh wave of pain hit me as I finally acknowledged to myself that my fire, my Edward, had left. All that was left of him was the pain I felt knowing that he was no longer here with me because I wasn't good enough.

I should have seen the danger or maybe I did and just chose to ignore it. The time I had was Edward was so wonderful I never realised how close to the fire I got. I didn't realise that his beauty and the wonder of being so close to him had distracted me from the fact that I was hovering in the flames. I was in so deep and Edward was the only thing keeping me from burning so when he left I did just that. I burnt. I burnt so quickly that my flame went out before it was supposed to.

Now I was left in the cold darkness, trying to convince myself the sun was close enough to keep me warm. That all I needed was the safety that it brought with it. It was a lie though. All the sun did was taunt me with the memory of what I used to have, showing me what warmth was without giving me enough to feel satisfied.

Which leads to the crossroads I found myself at. I could go right, go home and life the same dull half-life I had been living since Edward left nine months ago, or I could left, take a risk and perhaps feel the heat of the fire once again.

I missed the fire. No matter how much it hurt it would always be worth those feelings of safety and completeness it brought.

I took a left.

I drove and drove into my new life and into the next life.

As I approached the cliff I half expected to see Jacob in wolf form running behind me or Alice in all her graceful movements standing at the end of the road that crumbled away into the sea to try and stop me in time.

But I didn't. All I saw was a wolf, not a werewolf like Jacob but a real wolf. It had the same russet colouring as Jake. It wasn't the size of a horse though, one of the two reasons I knew that it was not in fact Jake, as the wolf watched me with his intelligent eyes.

The second reason was that those eyes were the most beautiful liquid topaz I have ever seen, identical to those of the only man that I will ever love.

In my heart I saw it as a sign. Here, watching my step into the next life was a creature that seemed to carry all the passion and warmth as my fire but with the constancy and safety as my sun. It was a good sign.

I closed my eyes peacefully as my truck toppled off that lonely cliff but for once I wasn't falling.

I was flying.

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I killed Bella. That's the second twilight character I've killed in my oneshots. So, contrary to popular belief, I actually love this series and like the fact they all lived, although in my opinion it gave a weak ending.

For those who have been reading my other stories I deleted a couple because either I hated it or because I forgot where i was actually going to take it and lost interest in it. It would have been unfair to leave it up there.


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